


Being Katniss

by Fujinakaheero



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gale's accident, High School, Mentions of Suicide, Slice of Life, Time Travel, based off being erica
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-16 23:55:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9295256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujinakaheero/pseuds/Fujinakaheero
Summary: (OLDER STORY- hoping to start updating again soon) A/U- What happens when you're life is spiraling out of control? What would you do if you had a second chance to fix the mistakes you make in life? Katniss is 32 and has nothing to show for her time in this world... but one chance may change it, if you choose to accept this help and make the commitment to follow through until the end. Based off Being Erica.DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters from THG or the series  nor do I own the story of Being Erica. I am merely borrowing them for this fanfiction





	1. Dr. Haymitch

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older story, about a year old that was put on hiatus during my school time. With entering my career job right out of school I realized I wouldn't get to continue writing this often. With finally being settled in my job I am hoping to kick up this story again as I've enjoyed writing it so far. If you also like it please let me know. Thanks for giving this a shot!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters or the series from THG nor do I own the story of Being Erica. I am merely borrowing them for this fanfiction.

Being Katniss

Chapter 1- Dr. Haymitch.

I stand on the window ledge, looking at the ground two floors below me. I heave some more as I try to catch my breath, filling my lungs with the crisp winter air.

"One… two…" I jump before I hit three and land hard on the frozen, snow covered ground. My knees give out with the pressure of the jump and I fall to them, hands out to catch myself. The snow crunches beneath my body and I struggle to get up and back onto my feet. Once up, my body starts to move of its own accord and I'm running down the long winding driveway towards the street. I don't register the cold air or my wet shoes and pajamas as I run down the street with no particular place in mind. I know I just need to get out of here.

I suppose you're wondering who I am and why I'm running right now. I guess I should start from the beginning, which luckily started yesterday morning. My name is Katniss. I'm thirty-two years old and recently fired from another job that, honestly, I'm over qualified for. That house I'm running away from? That's my parents' home. I ended up there yesterday morning after just being fired from another sales job. This time it was a telemarketing job that involved me listening to people bitch at me about their credit card bill. I had only been there a week and that was more than enough time for me to snap at my last customer. It ended with me telling them where to go and how to get there… and then my boss told me where to go and how to get there when he heard. I had packed up and left, not bothering to go to my apartment which already had an eviction notice hanging on the door, telling me rent was past due and I had thirty days to vacate if I didn't pay my outstanding balance immediately. My mom had answered the door when I got there and merely ushered me inside, not bothering to ask what happened now.

That is how my morning had begun and things only had gotten worst from there. My mom had guessed what had happened and offered to let me move back in until I was back on my feet. I couldn't fathom doing that… I had gotten out once, I didn't want to come back. Instead I decided to stay the night, second mistake of the day on my part. That evening my sister, Prim, had come over for dinner with her boyfriend Cato; to say I disliked him was putting it lightly. He was a dick and treated Prim like she was dirt beneath his feet; I didn't know what she saw in him. He knew I hated his guts and he made sure to give me nasty looks whenever he thought no one was looking. I didn't bother pointing this out to anyone; they wouldn't have believed me anyways. My dad didn't mind his company and my mother thought he was perfect with Prim, they had been high school sweethearts after all. He worked for a big law firm while Prim took after mom by becoming a doctor. A surgeon in fact. She mostly worked in the ER, taking cases as they came. It was a proud day for all of us when she graduated, top in her class, and had been offered a job immediately after. Cato wasn't exactly thrilled for her that day, raining on her parade when he told her that she was being selfish and not paying enough attention to him. Prim's light was dimmed that night and I watched her leave our parents' house almost in tears. I had wanted to hurt him then, no one hurts my little sister, we already had enough hurt in our lives.

To say he was an asshole didn't cover it and yet here I was, having another meal with them and dealing with the same line of bullshit I always dealt with when he was around. They were discussing the finalization for the house they were buying and what renovations they planned on doing once the house was theirs. Mom and dad were thrilled for them, it was the next step for their relationship and they hoped it would lead to marriage soon… man they must have known. When Cato got up from his chair and knelt in front of Prim, we watched as we sat at the dinner table as he pulled out a little black velvet box and held it up to her. He gave a big speech about how much he loved her and how she was his soul mate, that he was nothing without her before opening the box to reveal a heart cut diamond ring. Too cliché and unoriginal in my opinion, but I wasn't the one receiving it so I had no say. I held my breath as we all waited for her answer. My stomach dropped when I saw the smile spread across her face and she began to shake her head enthusiastically.

"Yes." She had said it, solidifying the promise of forever with this horrible person. I felt sick as the room began to spin. Could this day get any worse? Everyone was congratulating the newly engaged couple as I sat there, stunned.

"Katniss? Katniss, are you ok?" I looked up to see Prim looking at me, blue eyes gleaming with happy tears as she spoke to me. What was I supposed to say?

"I-I-I'm happy for you. I'm just feeling a bit tired, sorry. I'm going to head to bed early tonight." I could see the hurt in Prim's eyes as I left the table to head to my old room, escape this whole day in general. This had to be a nightmare. It was the only explanation.

I had woken up this morning, thinking the day before had truly been a nightmare, except it wasn't. Everything was very real. From losing my tenth job in six years, being evicted from my current apartment, to Prim getting engaged to that jackass, Cato. When did my life become a big mess? When did everything go wrong? Honestly, what did I do that was so bad to deserve this? Ok, so I made some mistakes but who doesn't? As I look around my old room my eyes land on photos from my high school days. Old friends, Prim, my parents… Gale. Oh god. My vision blurs as I stare at an old photo of Gale, Prim and I together as kids. Eyes grey as coal dust stare back at my own smoky eyes. Gale… if only we had woken up. I feel my air ways constricting. The room slowly suffocating me the longer I look at my photos. I have to get out of here. I frantically grab an old jacket out of my closet and search to see if I can find an old pair of shoes to wear. I find an old pair of neon green, nike slip-ons and put them on quickly. How do I get out here without anyone noticing? I look around and my eyes land on the window.

That's how I ended up here, running in the crisp morning air without a destination. I felt myself slow as I neared an overpass bridge until I stopped completely so I could look over the edge. I could do it, right now. Just climb over and just end this sad excuse of a life. If I did this then I could see Gale again. My family would learn to live without me, just as we did without Gale. My body reacts before my brain can assess what's going on. I'm climbing over the railing and looking down the highway, where cars speed by. If I were to let go now it would all be done. Just let go Katniss…

"Hey Sweetheart, you sure you want to do that?" I freeze, hands grip the railing a bit tighter as I look over my shoulder. A tall man with medium length blond hair covered by a black beanie, scruff on his face, and deep cerulean eyes is staring at me. His clothes look baggy and worn down on him and I wonder for a second if he's homeless. I turn back around and hold my resolve.

"Look buddy, it's none of your business so just keep walking." I take a deep breath and wait to hear his feet shuffle away. I fidget as I don't hear anything. I take a peek back over my shoulder to see him still there. "What?" I'm feeling agitated now and my resolve is quickly diminishing.

"Katniss, what if I told you I can help you?" I'm startled and a bit scared now. How does he know my name?

"Who are you?"

"The name's Haymitch. I'm a doctor and I can help you. I can guarantee that I can fix all your problems." I'm faltering, what is he talking about?

"What do you mean you can fix all my problems? What kind of doctor are you? Who are you?" The words are rushing out of my mouth all at once. I'm confused and scared by his words.

"Katniss, I can guarantee that I can help you fix all your problems as long as you promise to commit to this service and follow it until the end." He looks around us and then looks back at me. "How about we go to my office where it's a bit warmer. Come on sweetheart." He is moving towards me and I panic, my grip slips and I'm falling from the railing, heading right for the oncoming traffic below. I close my eyes and realize this is it for me. So much for help. Gale is the last thought I have when my world goes black.


	2. C-C-Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance, I do believe I had been editing the chapters on and off but I am sure there are mistakes that were not fixed.

Chapter 2- C-C-Changes

I let out a gasp before I even open my eyes. I don't want to open them. The last thing I remember was falling from the bridge onto the high way, which means I'm probably dead. So where was I? I chance a peek, opening one eye just a little to see where I was. I open both eyes to see I'm in what looks like an office. Ok, now this is getting bizarre. I look around and see the room decked out in sleek wooden furniture. It looks a bit retro, like what my grandparents' house used to look like. So where was I? I don't think this is heaven… and I imagined hell being a little warmer.

"Ah, glad to see you've woken up Sweetheart." I stiffen as the voice enters the room, the sound of a door closing closely following it. I hear the footsteps approach the desk in front of me and I'm greeted with the man I saw at the bridge, only he's cleaned up. Hair gelled back and now clothed in a black suit with a purple dress shirt underneath. He certainly doesn't look homeless any more.

"Where am I?" I watch him take a seat behind the desk and rest his elbows on the surface, studying me with those same blue eyes that watched me on the bridge. I want to shrink back at his intense gaze.

"Well, you're in my office. Just in time I think too. Now we have more time to talk." He sits back in his chair and folds his arms over his chest, his gaze never leaving me.

"Why am I here? How did I get here?" He chuckles at my questions and I can feel anger boiling up inside of me. How is this funny?

"Well for starters honey, I brought you here before you made a big mistake. You're here so we could talk about the offer I gave you."

I remember his words clearly and it's obvious that the confusion I felt at his words shows clear as day on my face. He speaks before I can say anything.

"So, as I said I'm a doctor. I'm here to help you." I laugh at this.

"What kind of doctor?"

"A therapist of sorts, to say the least." I shake my head. I don't need a doctor, I need some good luck thrown my way.

"I don't need a doctor, I was just having a bad day. I never really was going to jump. I got too much here that I can't leave behind." Prim comes to mind instantly and I know I could never leave her. I could never do to her what Gale had done to us, even if it was an accident.

He leans forward again, pausing as he studies me as if he's gauging what he's going to say next.

"Well, tell me if I'm getting warm, okay? It's not just that today was bad, it's every day.  
It's the feeling that nothing seems to work out for you. Still single. All your successful married friends feeling bad for you. Am I getting warm?" I sit stunned in silence. How did he know all this?

"Who are you?" It's no more than a whisper as it leaves my lips.

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. Albert Einstein. Well you think about it.  
And if you're interested, you can give me a call Sweetheart. Here's my card." He hands me a card, gets up from his desk and is leading me towards the door. I leave and am thrown back into my room the moment I step out. What the hell just happened? I shake my head and clear my head of everything that just happened. I look at the card that is still in my hand. It bold lettering it reads 'Dr. Haymitch. The Answer to your Problems.' Really? What does that even mean?

I set it on my bed and begin to get changed. Coming here was a bad idea and I needed to leave so I figure out what I needed to do now. I sit the card in my back pocket of my jeans and head back downstairs where my sister and mom are talking. Prim must have just came. I go to the kitchen where they are seated at the island and stand the end.

"Don't you have work today Little Duck?" It's a nickname I've had for her since she was a baby. Even though we're only three years apart I've always taken my role as big sister seriously. Being the middle child growing up was not always easy.

"I could ask you the same thing Kat. So what happened?"

"Oh Prim, what's done is done. Katniss, do you know what you're going to do now? Are there any jobs hiring right now? Do you have enough money to get by until you find one? You're father and I can help-" I stop my mom from her rambling, glancing at Prim before looking back at our mother. It amazed me how much Prim looked like her, golden blonde hair, eyes blue as the sky, and petite figures that anyone would be envious of. I looked more like our dad. Smoky grey eyes and hair almost dark as night. I was a bit broader and taller than Prim but I didn't mind.

"It's ok, I'll figure it out like I always do."

"Katniss, you know your Aunt Effie needs some help at her bridal boutique. I can talk to her and see if you can work there for now, it's not much but at least it pays and Effie would love having you there." She'd rather Prim there since she was the ball of sunshine I wasn't. How can I refuse my mom though when she is looking at me with such intensity? I know she's just trying to help, but I really don't want to put up with Effie. The longer she looks at me with that look the more I know I have to accept. I nod as my resolve dissolves. Prim gives me that knowing grin and pats my shoulder.

"Effie will be so, so, so happy!" She mocks Effie's high pitched voice as our mother sips her tea once more. Great… just what I needed.

Three days later I am following around our eccentric aunt as she shows me around the store and telling me what I'll be doing. I'm there to do bookings and manage the counter while she works in the back. Another mindless job. I'm happy when the day is over and I'm heading back to my apartment. I have to find a new place soon. I give in to my mom helping me though it'll be for a down payment for first and last on a new place. My current place is a dump anyways and I've been wanting to get out of here since I moved in. I get in and set my bag down at the kitchen counter and toe off my shoes. I look around and see the card I received three days ago sitting on the counter.

I pick it up and look at it again. It all still seemed like a joke. Tossing the card back on the counter I head over to my bathroom, opening the door I'm suddenly emerging into a waiting area of an office. Uh-

"Dr. Haymitch will be with you shortly, he's just with another patient." I look around the sterile while room. A receptionist sits at the large white desk behind a computer. I see some chairs and a coffee table with pamphlets laying on it and go sit down. Could this get any weirder? How did I end up here now? I pick up one of the pamphlets and read the title. 'Ten ways to improve your self-esteem.' I cock an eye brow at it and begin to open it when the lady at the desk speaks again. "He's ready for you now. Just head in through that door." She points to the door on her left and goes back to whatever it is she's doing on her computer. I set down the pamphlet and stand up, making my way to the door. Behind the door I am greeted with the same retro room I saw those few fateful days ago and see Haymitch standing by a window on the opposite end of the room, his back to me. Didn't the woman say he was with a patient? Where did they leave because this looks like the only door in the room?

"I'm glad to see you back Katniss. I knew you would be. You must be wondering how this whole thing works." He turns around to look at me finally and goes to take his seat behind his desk.

"Well kinda. Yeah." I don't know what else to say so I go sit in the chair across from him.

"Full disclosure: My brand of therapy is not traditional. I don't claim to have a lot of letters after my name, but what I will say is this, whatever it is that you are unhappy about, I can fix it. And all I ask from you is that you make a commitment. Now I'm not really interested in working with fence-sitters. You're gonna have to agree to see things through to the very end. And I-" He points to himself before continuing."-for my part, will promise you that you'll emerge from therapy with your problems solved."

"That seems like an awful lot of pressure on you, doesn't it?"

"'Pressure makes diamonds'. General George ." I shake my head at another quote he gives me. "It's not really about me, is it? It's about you. So what seems to be the problem?"

"What?" I question him. I don't know what he is asking.

"Why are you here?" He asks.

"I don't know?" I throw my hands in the air in frustration. "I just… I didn't think I'd end up where I am now. I keep thinking things weren't supposed to turn out this way." The words are tumbling out of my mouth. Years of pent up anger spilling forth without a moment to consider what I am saying. Years of denial showing it's ugly face. "I always thought I'd grow up, get an awesome career and I'd meet a great guy and just have the perfect life and-"

"What happened to that?" Haymitch cuts me off and I seal my lips together. I know the answer.

"I-I blew it. I had everything going for me, life was in my favour, and I just screwed it all up!" The realization nearly blows me away as I say the words out loud, words I have kept to myself for so long.

"How?" It's such a simple question and yet many answers come to mind. So many regrets.

"I made bad choices." I feel like I can tell him anything, things I haven't even admitted to my own family, though I've been close many times.

"You know Katniss, most people have a few regrets."

"Yeah well, I've got a lot. There's so many things I would have done differently, especially knowing what I know now."

"Oh? Like what?" I raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"Like what?" I repeat his question, asking for further explanation.

"What are they? These bad choices, these regrets of yours?" Where do I begin to answer such a question?

"Well, like I said, there's a lot of them. Would you like me to pick one?" I know my biggest regret that I would change.

"OK, well you know what? Why don't you write them down?" He grabs a pad of paper, a pen, and pushes them towards me.

"Are you being serious right now?"

"Oh darling, I never joke about these things. Just point form is fine." I laugh again at this.

"Alright, how much time do ya got?" He gives me a glare to say that he is not in a joking mood so I grab the paper and pen. "It was just a joke."

I begin to list each regret I have, in point form of course, glancing up at Dr. Haymitch every so often to see that he's still there, waiting patiently for me to finish my list. When I finally finish I hand the pad back to him and let him look it over.

"I told you it was quite a bit."

"Well a bit more than average but that's ok, we can work with this." He runs his finger down the list until it stops in the middle of the page. I wrote down nearly thirty regrets.

"I wrote the ones that keep me up at night still. The ones that worry me the most."

"Alright, so tell me about this one. Fall formal. Why that one?" He shows me my writing and I nod.

"Well uh- it's weird because it uh, happened in grade 11 at the fall formal. It's the biggest formal of the year and it was going to be the best night ever. I was finally going to make out with Thom and just dance the night away with him and my friends. Instead my friends and I got some rum. We went to the locker room and drank it; I drank the most and an hour later, on the dance floor, I could barely stand. My friends pretty much thought it was hilarious until I completely crumbled. I passed out on the dance floor, puked my guts out and was convulsing. It was truly a nightmare. After that I landed in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, Thom broke up with me and all the kids in school talked about it for ages; about how I was this big tramp and ruined the dance for everyone." I feel like the memory happened only yesterday and the anxiety of it all haunts me as I remember walking those halls two days after the dance, after I was released from the hospital. "My parents were furious with me, not because I drank but because of how irresponsible I was with my life. I know it sounds like a stupid high school thing, but it changed me. It changed the way people at school saw me, it changed the way I saw myself, and it was another reason for my parents to argue. It sucked." I know my parents love each other, but the fighting has always been an issue between them which has always strained our home life.

"Hm, interesting. Well it's been informative, but, unfortunately, until you're ready to make a decision there's not much I can do for you." I sit up a bit straighter at this, my eyes widening a bit.

"A decision? You mean I have to decide right now?"

"Yeah, I mean you need to decide. Do you wanna jump off that bridge? Do you want to fix your life or not? You need to decide now." His eyes hold no humour in them and I know he means business. Was this a mistake?

"You know what? I'm beginning to feel like this was another bad decision, coming here and all."

"Oh come on Sweetheart, what's one more to add the list then?" He gives me a humourless smile, arms folded on his desk.

"I won't give you an answer right now so that means you can't even tell me what you'll do. Damn you haven't even told me how much this therapy is going to cost me!" I stand up, fed up with this nonsense.

"When did I even mention money Katniss?" I think back. He didn't ever say there was a cost but something like this much cost a fortune. A fortune I don't have.

"No. No you didn't." I admit.

"I asked you a simple question. Do you wanna fix your problems or not? Yes or no?" He seems to be losing his patience with me now.

"Fine, yes! Yes I want to fix them!" I stay where I am standing, studying him as he shifts in his seat, seeming satisfied with my answer now.

"Good. Okay, then answer me this." He stands up and moves around his desk. "If you could go back to that day and do it over, what would you do differently?" I falter in my spot. I've thought about this so many times. The things I could have done to change that night.

"Um- uh- I-I'd uh would make that night what I had been expecting, what it should have been, you know, the best night of that year. I'd not drink, I'd tell them all that it wasn't a good idea." He nods at my words. A shiver goes down my spine and I feel suddenly colder than I did before. "Is there a window open in here? It-it's uh really cold in here. Wait, what's going on? Help me!" I fall to the ground, hands and knees meeting wood floor.

"Jeez Kat, be careful!" I look up to meet brown eyes and very bright red hair. Johanna? I get myself off the floor and look around. I'm at a dress shop with… my eyes widen when I finally look at Johanna and… Madge? Both of whom are no more than sixteen years old. How did I get here? I turn to find a mirror and look at myself. My sixteen years old self stares back at me. "Kat? Kat? KATNISS! Jeez girl, snap out of it and get over here. Madge is trying on her dress." I'm still shocked. Did Dr. Haymitch do this? What was he? Oh god, how do I get back?


	3. A semi-formal Horror

Chapter 3  
A semi-formal Horror

"This dress is going to make all the boys weep. Look at how this dress makes my ass look. Damn. If I could, I'd date myself!" I'm staring off, barely listening to Johanna gloat about her assets. This is a dream. This has got to be a dream. I can barely look at the mirror without screaming. Everything about my appearance says this isn't real. I can't possibly be sixteen again. Nope. Wake up Katniss. Wake up! Wake up!

"Hey dumbass, you gonna go try on your dress or what? Madge and I got our dresses picked out, we're waiting for you. Let's go! Chop chop!" I look up to see both Madge and Johanna watching me curiously. Ok, ok. If this is a dream then I can do whatever I want right? I can replay this whole thing, change it however I like and nothing will come of it; this is a dream after all. I guess I can play along.

"Sorry guys, give me a second." I finally move to the dressing room that is set up for me. The red mid-thigh dress I wore to our fall formal when I was sixteen hangs on the hook in the room. I already know this will be the dress. I did look hot in it. I try it on to humor my friends, their responses just as I remember it. "Damn pea-brain, you clean up nice." Or "oh Thom is gonna have to fight other guys when they see you in this." Their words are exactly like I remember.

We leave shortly after, grab some drinks from the local café before going to the mall to get our shoes and buy the right makeup and accessories. Fall formal is tomorrow night; we were always notorious for procrastinating on everything we did. It's nearly dinner time when we all split for the night, making plans of meeting up early tomorrow to get ready together.

"Oh hey, before we leave I need money for the alcohol we wanted to get. It's like almost forty bucks for the bottle. Jason said he'd get it for us tonight if we had the money." Madge and I glance at each other as we pull out our wallets, trying to decide on how to split it so we all pay evenly. Johanna takes the money and waves goodbye.

"So, you ready for tomorrow night?" This time I look to Madge and shrug.

"I guess, I mean it's going to be fun. We'll drink, dance, and sing our night away!" And maybe in this dream version I can decide not to drink and make an idiot of myself. "I'm heading this way, see you tomorrow Madge!" She gives me a smile and waves as she walks off. I walk down the street when a familiar face catches my eye, a face that wasn't part of this to begin with.

"Haymitch?" The blonde man stops in front of me, suit pristine with his tie undone and hair slicked back. His scruff is tamed and he looks like he just got out of a business meeting.

"Ah Katniss. Fancy meeting you here." I'm stunned, this isn't right. What is he doing in my dream?

"W-what are you doing here? What's going on? How the hell are you in my dream" I'm firing questions faster than my brain can keep up.

"Slow down sweetheart before you overload your pretty little teenage mind." I stop and manage a scowl directed at him. Bags in hand I manage to place them on my hips as I wait for some answers. "Have you been thinking this was a dream this whole time?" He doesn't answer my questions at all, but this catches me off guard.

"This is a dream. It is… right?" I sound so meek and scared as I respond. My little bubble is slowly being popped by this man.

"Only if you want it to be darling. But just for fun, why don't we pretend this is real. You're here, you're sixteen, and you have a regret you could possibly change. I say this is a win-win situation for you." He gives me a smirk and brushes a hand over his gelled hair.

"Ok, so what you really mean is this is somehow real and I get to rewrite my history? I can actually change things?" My mind is still trying to wrap itself around all of this. How did he do this? "So if this is real, how did you get me here? Are you some sort of… wizard or something?" Haymitch lets out a low chuckle at my question.

"We'll go with the 'or something' in this. Now, have you figured out what you're going to do to change things this time? You know what to do this time?" I remember my plan that I had been discussing with him in his office before I was brought here, then I remember the money I already gave to Johanna for the liquor. Shit. I still nod because I know this time I won't drink any of the rum she brings with us.

"I won't drink this time. I'll dance with Thom, talk to everyone, and make the night worthwhile. Ugh, Johanna and Madge are gonna make fun of me so hard."

"Well, this is your second chance and what you do with it is your choice. Now I must be off, I'm sure there is a very important meeting that I am missing right now. See you on the other side sweetheart." He almost does a half salute half wave as he begins walking away. I shake my head. I think I'm taking this better than most people probably would. I turn to head back in the direction that will take me home. Tomorrow night would be good, it would be the night I actually wanted to remember; I'd make sure of that.

"Wow, just, wow." I cannot help but giggle as Thom eyes me up and down, admiring my body in the short red dress I picked out just for tonight. Off to a good start already. Johanna and Madge left an hour ago, opting to meet their dates at the dance. Thom had insisted he pick me up from my house; he had always been a gentlemen to me during our high school days. Last I heard he had married one of the girls from his grade a few years ago and they were expecting twins. The power of social media really made sure you were never out of touch with those you wanted to avoid. I haven't actually seen him since he graduated: he's a year older than myself. It's weird seeing young him again but I feel like I should enjoy this moment.

"Thanks. So we going to hit the road or are we just going to stand her while you stare me down?" My boldness was always something I was happy to have. It made awkward situations a little less awkward. His eyes meet mine and he gives me a cheeky grin, knowing he was caught staring for too long. He holds out his arm for me to take and lead us to his car. Dating a senior at the time definitely had its perks.

The music is loud when we get there, many people are just starting to arrive along with us. Thom parks and runs over to open my door for me. I take his hand that he holds out and let him lead the way inside. The music gets louder and I can see the entrance to the gym where the dance is being held. The dance floor already is filled with dancing students and I can hear loud chatter. I begin to look around for my friends, saying hello to long lost acquaintances (I suppose they are not long lost right now, but they will be) in the process. I finally spot Johanna and Madge and decide to tell Thom I'll be back. He is already waving to some friends of his from the football team and I can tell he is planning to go over and talk to them. It's the perfect time to split before we get into the full swing of the dance. I make my way over and catch Madge's attention, give a large wave her way.

"Hey girls, looking good." I wink at Madge and give a low whistle to Johanna. Their dates must be talking to some of their friends.

"So ladies, are we ready to take this party up a notch? I got us set up in the locker room, cups and bottle are a go. Shall we?" This is the moment, the moment I say no. This time I won't be stupid.

"Seriously, I don't think it's a great idea. Shouldn't we wait until… you know, we get home later or something? What if we get caught?" I hear Johanna let up an exasperated sight.

"You're kidding right? Fine. Whatever Kat. Pussy out. Madge and I know how to have a good time without you. Don't be jealous when you see us come back as the life of the party though. Come on Madge, let's go." I try to stop them, tell them I wasn't scared but Johanna wants to hear none of it. I watch the two stomp off out of the gym. I feel a hand touch the small of my back and turn to see Thom has joined me again.

"Looks like something serious. What happened?" I shake my head in reply. Let them be stupid. Teens have to make mistakes to learn, I sure as a hell had to.

"Let's dance." I smile at him and drag him to the dance floor.

Two hours later and all my worries have been erased through the pulsing beats coming through the speakers. Thom and I have danced most of the night together, laughing and sharing secret smiles with one another. It is the night that should have happened. We wonder off the floor finally to grab some refreshments. He goes to get us some drinks while I stand and look around the crowded room. I spot Madge and Johanna coming back finally, wobbling and stumbling as they move. Shit, did they drink the whole bottle? I begin to make my way over to them, making sure they are ok.

"Ooooh look who it is, it's our dear, dear friend Katniss. Our 'good' friend." Johanna's words are slurred and she is unsteady on her feet. Madge doesn't look any better and I wonder if they're going to last.

"Did you two drink the whole bottle?" Madge giggles at my question.

"Wouldn't chu like to know." The blonde girl's words are even more slurred than my red-headed friend's. Ugh.

"Ok, Ok. It's time for both of you to go home. How are you two even standing?"

"We're not going anywhere and you can't make us, miss goody-two-shoes." I cross my arms. I'm still used to Johanna's volatile attitude.

"Johanna, you're wrecked. You smell awful and you can't even stand straight. What if one of the teachers sees you? You seriously want to get in shit?"

"They won't find out. Get your panties out of a twist. You're just worried 'cause you want Thom to think you're so great."

"Johanna st-" I try to stop her but she interrupts me.

"Guess what pea-brain, he only wants in your pants. He's been telling the football team his plan alllll week long. You're so worried about what he thinks yet he doesn't give two shits as long as you spread your legs for him at the end of the night." I'm floored. Was she telling the truth? I know what happens when people get drunk, they get mean and nasty and say awful things, Johanna has always been one to do that too. I refuse to believe her words.

"Johanna don't be such a bitch. Whatever, get caught, get in shit. Not my problem. Have fun dealing with your parents." I turn abruptly and leave the two there, trying to calm my anger in the process as I try to find my date.

I see him with his group of friends again and watch as one of them hands Thom a set of keys… keys to what? He has his car keys which also have his house keys. What's going on? I decide to go find out.

I walk up next to him and speak loudly to catch his attention.

"Did I miss anything?" He almost jumps and I wonder why the change all of a sudden. Not long ago we were laughing and just having fun, now he seemed on edge. I see his hand go into his pocked as he turns to me.

"Haha, hey didn't see you coming back. Just talking football with the guys, you ready to head out?" Ok, I'm not stupid but he must think I am. Did I really fall for his bullshit? Was Johanna actually right about him? I play along with him.

"Head out? But the dance is still going." I cross my arms and try to play innocent.

"Well, I just thought maybe we could go somewhere a bit more quiet and somewhere we can actually talk." Code for, I wanna fuck you or at least get something from you tonight. How could I be so naïve? Maybe not having a good night for him years ago was the better option. I raise an eye brow at him.

"You know what, you go ahead and go by yourself. It's not going to happen Thom."

"What do you mean? I just want to hang out, the two of us." I'm smug now. I can't believe I fell for this charm years ago.

"No you don't and I heard what you were telling the guys on the team. I saw the keys. If that's all you wanted then you should have asked someone else. We're done." I see the surprise in his eyes as he realizes he's been caught. The surprise is gone in an instant and replaced by anger.

"You're really arrogant, you know? You should have been happy to be dating me and going to the dance with me. You were lucky to be seen with me. Whatever, have fun getting home." I watch his retreating form and I feel empowered. The night definitely isn't the way I had hoped but it's still better than what it could have been. I decide to go find my two best friends and apologize to Johanna; then get them home. I know Johanna's car is here and I can at least drive us back to my place tonight so they can avoid the wrath of their parents.

I spot them both by the wall, looking a little worse than before. Yup, definitely home time. I make my way back to them.

"How you two holding up?" I see two pairs of unamused eyes look at me.

"What do you want now? Going to scold us some more?" Johanna always was fiery.

"No, I'm coming to take you two back to my place. Your dates are long gone and mine is… well let's just say you were right Johanna and I'm sorry." I see regret flash in her eyes.

"I'm sorry too. Your place, my place, any place that isn't here sounds good right about now, what about you Madge?" Johanna looks like she's going to be sick and I worry. Madge tries to find a grip on the wall to hold her up.

"Yeah, definitely need to get out of here. I feel like I'm going to be sick." I nod and offer a side to both of them to help lead them to Johanna's car. We make it outside before Madge stumbles and I'm unable to catch her. Long arms covered in a white dress shirt catch her and I meet with blue eyes that stare at me. Why are they so familiar? I don't have time to question as the man now holding Madge helps me bring the two of my friends to the car. He loads Madge into the back as she giggles away while I help Johanna into the passenger seat. I glance back at the man and I know we've met before, he's young but I can tell he's still older than myself, but at least two years or more.

"Thanks. I need to go but thank you for helping me. Hope we didn't ruin your night." I step over to the other side and get into the car. I'm worried about my friends and want to get them home as quickly as possible. I roll the window down and peak my head through as I start up the car, I had to retrieve the keys from Johanna's purse, and shout out to the back of the person.

"If you ever need anything, don't be afraid to ask! My name's Katniss if you ever need anything." I put the car into drive and pull out.

I feel the car getting colder again, like when it happened in Dr. Haymitch's office. I feel a pull as I grip the steering wheel.

I close my eyes and open them again to find I am sitting on my bathroom floor, in the present time. I look around the small room, touching the tile of the floor and smelling the air. It's real again, I'm back home. I stand up and give my body a shake. Well that certainly was different from what I expected. I leave the bathroom and go back out to my living room/kitchen. Did that really happen? I suppose one way of finding out would be to check my journals, I have all them since I started writing. I grab a box that is sitting in the closet in the living room and open it up. I sort through all the books, there has to be at least twenty in here, twelve of them are just from when I was a teenager; I was angsty, sue me. I find the one with the brown binding and soft green cover, it was my most favourite one out of the ones I've had over the years. I flip through until I find the right day, I begin to read,

Saturday, October 12, 1999

Tonight was our fall formal, Johanna and Madge are passed out on the air mattress I set up for them as I write this. Thom was a tool tonight and we've broken up. I can't believe I ever thought he was actually a good person. I was so blind. I'm exhausted though so I am signing off for the night.

Oh! This stranger with very intense blue eyes helped me get the two of them into the car tonight. He didn't say anything and I really didn't take notice of his face. I wonder if I'll ever see him again. I told him my name, I never got a response though. Weird, but I owe him for helping me out tonight or Madge would have had a nasty scar she would have had to cover up.

I stare at the journal entry and sit on the ground. It happened. It wasn't a dream. Haymitch was telling the truth. I feel a weight being lifted at that realization. One mistake made right. I let out a laugh and begin putting away all my books back into their box. Once the box is back on its self I look around my apartment and stretch. What if I really could change my past to make my present better?

I hear the door to the apartment next to mine close and know he's just gotten home. I grab my cell phone and find his number. I hit call and wait.

"That was quick. I think it's a record." I hear his soft chuckle on the other end.

"Well you know, I had a good day so I decide we should celebrate it. It's not every day I'm actually in a good mood." I hear his throaty laugh and a thump as he sets his bags down.

"Well let me put my stuff away and change. Fifteen minutes and we'll head out to the hob, my treat." I grin into the phone. He knows I'm piss poor at the moment.

"Knock when you're ready. See you soon Peeta."

"Yeah, yeah. Be ready when I get there." I hang up and go to my room to change. It's nice to blow off some steam.


	4. What I am is What I am

Chapter 4  
What I am is What I am

"So let me get this straight, you were fired from another job and you're perfectly fine with that?" I cannot help but smirk at the Peeta, who is across from me. After getting home that evening and making plans to go out with my neighbor, Peeta, I had decided to get Madge in on the night out, after some protests and cries of "but I have work tomorrow!" It's amazing what time and age can do to a person. I glance at her to see her sipping her drink and turn back to the person in front of me.

"Yup. I get to work with my aunt for a bit until I find something better. You know, I applied for a music teaching position a few days ago. They're looking for someone to take over the music program at Capitol High come winter term. Maybe my teaching degree will finally get used instead of wasting all that education on minimum wage bullshit. I'm so tired of hearing about all the debt I incurred on a useless field." I hear a snort from beside me and glare at Madge who takes another sip before setting her drink down.

"Come on Kat, you knew from the get-go finding a job after school was going to be hard. The job market for teachers in general is a competitive field. You had a better chance working as a daycare worker than a teacher. Most of the teachers who are working refuse to give up their position. Retirement is becoming a thing where people don't retire until they're much older now." I nod my head in agreement, I did know that but it doesn't mean I wasn't at least a bit hopeful to find something when I was done. I had majored in vocal music and minored in English, which is where Peeta and I first met. He's two years older than I am but luckily he was one of those kids that didn't know what he wanted to do, so originally he had taken business so that he could eventually take over his family's business only to realize he sucked at it. Two years of college and only a year to go he dropped the program and opted to take an arts program. It included English as part of the arts in case those who took the program wanted to go on to teachers college. He had majored in art, his best course was visual art which was hands on and minored in English with me.

We hadn't hit it off right away. I remember our first week in classes together we argued about the meaning behind The Raven. He was right in the end but that didn't make me back down. It's become an ongoing joke between us through the years. We really started hanging out when we had to do a research assignment on the positives and negatives of technology and the youth of today. We found we did agree on a lot more than disagreed. Like the fact that technology was allowing children to bypass learning proper spelling since autocorrect was becoming a more integrated was of life. As they say the rest is history from there. We found that we also had art in common, or at least the Arts. We both were interested in some form of art, mine being music and his being visual. He's now working of a graphic designer for a big web company and I say kudos to him. He does what he loves and that's good. I wish I could say the same, but who knows, maybe luck will finally be in my favour.

I give Madge a sour look at the prospect of working as a daycare worker, which is what she does. She's with a special daycare that works with special needs children. She loves it and that's great, but being a glorified babysitter is not my ideal career. Babysitting was never my thing; the only one I ever babysat was Prim.

"If I wanted to be a babysitter I would just put out ads." Madge gives me a sour look in return at the term.

"I swear if we weren't friends I would punch you. You know that I'm more than a babysitter and I wish people would stop saying such a stupid things! If I was just a babysitter I wouldn't have had to go through so much psychology, development classes and courses to get into this career. Ugh. I need another drink." I chuckle at her reaction. It's so easy to press her buttons. I watch her chug down the rest of her drink and get up to go to the bar to grab another.

I look back at Peeta who only shakes his head at me.

"What? I know her job is a lot more than some babysitting job, doesn't mean I can't raze her once in a while. Besides how's work going?" We haven't talked much this week, with my life crisis happening and going home to find out Prim was engaged to that jackass, I haven't put much thought into hanging out with anyone.

"It's fine, winter break is close and I'm glad for it. The kids have been going crazy with winter break so close." He sits back in his chair and runs his fingers through his blond curls. "I need a vacation." He lets out a small sigh before leaning back on the table and looking at me. "So you're possibly going to be working at the school come the new term, eh? That could be fun. It'll be like college all over again for us." I grin and nod my head.

"I know. It can't be too bad there though, I mean teens haven't changed that much right?" Madge returns with her drink as Peeta lets out a howl. Madge looks between the two of us.

"What's so funny?" She asks us. I also want to know what's so funny to Peeta.

"Katniss thinks teenagers were like our generation." She nearly spits out her sip she's taken. Am I really that wrong?

"Oh Katniss, Katniss, Katniss. I may work with young children but even they have changed since our days. Kids are evil, teens are spawns of Satan. They will eat you whole. They will argue with you until the cows come home even after they find out they are wrong." Peeta nods in acknowledgment of Madge's words. Oh no.

"If they don't like you or deem you weak, you will never get past that. They will find your weaknesses and use it against you." Peeta adds. I huff. They can't be that bad.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad." Am I that out of touch with things now?

"Not always, the kids at the school aren't that bad. But the generation of today does come from a sense of entitlement they haven't earned, I blame helicopter parents. I'm all for telling kids they can do anything, but they don't realize they actually have to make an effort to achieve things in life." Peeta takes a swig of his beer and I do the same. The more he speaks the worst I am feeling about the job potential. I feel like the two of them have thoroughly rained on my parade now. I decide I'm not going to let them ruin the night with these depressing thoughts.

"Ok, enough about the brats of today. Tonight is about letting go of the bad things and celebrating the good! I at least have something to fall back on, I have enough money for first and last on a new place - Oh! Here I have something to cheers on." I pause, feeling bitter at the thought but raise my beer non-the-less and wait for the two of them to raise theirs. "To Prim finally getting engaged to that asshole, Cato!" I clink out glasses and down the rest of my peer, peering at them over my beer to see them exchange looks of apprehension before taking a sip of their drinks and setting them down. Madge is the first to speak up.

"She's actually going through with it?" She knows their history as well as I do, she's been around for their drama since it began back in high school, by my side as we watched their story unfold.

I get up from my seat, feeling the warmth from the beer fill my body a little more, to go grab another.

"Want another?" I shake my empty beer at Peeta and look down at his. He gives me a nod and gulps down the rest of his, handing me his empty bottle. "And yes, Prim is actually serious about marrying the asshole." I bound off to the bar and set down the two empty bottles, signally we need another round to the bar tender before heading off to the bathroom. I finish quickly and make my way back to our table, noticing fresh beers are at the table. I sit back down at the table and catch Peeta's stare which leads to him letting out a cough and turning his attention onto his own drink again. I don't give it much thought as I've noticed he does that often these days.

"So, besides all my great stories from this week, what have you two been up to? Anything interesting and note-worthy I should know about?" I glance between the two of them and raise an eyebrow questioningly.

Madge speaks up first. "Thom and I are going to be starting to try for a baby!" I'm shocked at the outburst, it came out almost as if it had been bubbling to the surface all night. I feel the disappointment rising but I stamp it down and plaster a wide grin on my face and congratulate her profusely. It just shows that I'm still so behind people my own age in terms of success. I have a shit job, just ended another short term relationship and still going nowhere in life right now. At this point it'd be better to just assume I'm going to be an old, crazy cat lady with fifty cats. We speak about babies a bit more before Peeta then lays on another surprise; it shouldn't have come as one though.

"My divorce has finally been finalized. After a year and a half of crap, Delly and I are officially divorced. The papers came in the mail today." He holds up his beer, waiting for us to do another cheers. I know that the divorce has been hard on him. Delly and him had been together since our last year of college and had married a year later. He had finally called it off when he caught Delly cheating on him with a guy from her firm; Delly is a Lawyer. It had hurt him deeply and I could see the change in him. Since the separation he hadn't even tried to hit the dating scene.

We clink our cups and take a swig, I imagine this will be our last drink before we head home for the night, we all know that work comes early in the morning and we're not as young as we used to be.

"You're better off Peeta. The fact that she couldn't see what a good thing she had means that she wasn't worthy of your time, you gave her so much more than she deserved. You'll find someone better one day. Just keep looking." He nods and I notice he's giving me a look I cannot decipher. I brush it off as having too much alcohol.

We finish our drinks, say goodnight to Madge, and make our way home together. The bar we go to regularly isn't far from Peeta and I's apartment. We stumbled home, laughing and enjoying each other's presence as we ascend the stairs to the second floor where our apartments are. He holds me up as I climb the last step, stumbling almost face first to the floor and pulls me up against him so that I don't fall. I chuckle and look into the deep blues of his eyes and notice that look again. What is he thinking? Before I can move or say anything his lips are on mine. I don't have time to think or respond before he pulls away, sets me right on my feet and tells me goodnight and unlocks his apartment and shutting it behind him. What just happened?

My second day of work is spent not paying the least amount of attention to the job at hand and all on the night before. No matter how drunk I may have been I cannot forget the kiss Peeta and I shared last night. What do I say when I see him later? I feel the tingle of his lips on mine still and it sends a shiver down my spine.

I spend the next week stuck on it with no sound or sight of Peeta during that time. By the end of the next week I'm sick of him avoiding me and decide we need to talk. I also need his help with moving. I found a place a few blocks down that was a bit cheaper and way nicer, which was surprising but I needed a place and this seemed good. I also heard a few more tenants were moving out soon and I knew Peeta was looking at moving too, the complex we were at was a last resort at the time, but we both hated the place.

I sit around my apartment that night, it's Friday, which means Peeta could be home early, at his normal time, or later because it's the weekend. I'm dozing on the couch when I hear his door close and peak at my watch to see it's after one in the morning. I wonder where he was. I get off the couch and make my way out of my apartment and walk over to his. I knock on his door and that's when I hear his voice, only it's being accompanied by another, a female voice. I feel my stomach clench and knot itself as the footsteps make their way to the door and that's when I feel the flight or fight response in my kick in. It's odd and I'm unsure what has caused this reaction but at the moment the flight response is strong in me. I hear him close to the door and telling the female it'll only be moment before the door opens, I'm about mid-step in retreating back to my apartment.

"Katniss?" He glances at me and I notice his shirt is unbuttoned and his belt is unfastened… what did I interrupt? I feel my face heat up and cannot help but stare at his chest before I register what is going on. There's a girl at his place, he's half undressed. It's not hard to put two and two together. I finally find my voice.

"I-I- I'm sorry. I should have texted you or something. I didn't think you would be… entertaining someone. W-when you want to talk about the other night… let me know. Bye." I run off and I feel as if I'm going to be sick. I slam the door behind me and slide down the door, head in my hands as I take deep breathes. This reaction is foreign to me, especially when it comes to Peeta. Wasn't it I who kept telling him to start hitting the dating scene again? So why am I so upset? I cannot place my finger on it and instead I feel angry tears spring to my eyes at the frustration I am feeling.

After what feels like hours sitting on the ground I finally get up and head to my bedroom. I open the door and enter… and I'm again thrown into Dr. Haymitch's office. I notice the older man sitting at his desk with a book in hand, I step forward and see he is reading The Great Gatsby.

"Hello Sweetheart. A bit late to still be up, isn't it?" I take a seat opposite him and nod my head.

"I've been waiting to see you again Haymitch. I have a million questions." He shuts the book and looks at me.

"Well timing is everything hunnny. I imagine you would have some though." I shake my head at this.

"You sent me back in time!" I see him smirk

"I did." He doesn't elaborate.

"How did you do it? No, I mean, more importantly, why, why, why did you pick me?" I ask him, needing to know.

"Samuel Johnson said: 'The use of travelling is to regulate imagination by reality, and instead of thinking how things may be, to see them, as they are.'" I scoff at his quote.

"Tell me about regret number seven."

"Why did you pick me?" I feel like this is important for me to continue on.

"Why not? Are you so insignificant that you don't deserve such a chance?" I shake my head, denying that.

"No-"

"Good then about your list-"

"Gale! Can't you just send me back to him, to that night? I could warn him, I could-"

"No Katniss that cannot happen. Have you ever heard of the butterfly effect?" I have and I know where he's going with this.

"Yes but-"

"Then you know that stopping someone's death can and will have great impact on the present and future. I will send you back to Gale and that night when you are ready." How will he know when I'm ready though?

"When will I be ready then?"

"That all depends on you. Now how about we look at regret number seven?" I peak at the paper and read it. Stop Delly from squirming her way into Peeta's life. How appropriate but even then, why was that a regret I had again? I had hooked them up, that's why.

"So, why do you have such a regret? How is this your fault?" I lean back in my chair and stare at Haymitch, taking in his features once more.

"Well, to put it simply, I introduced the two of them. Peeta and I have been friends for a couple years at that point and Delly and I had an elective together, women's studies that year. It was our last year before we finally graduated. I was dating Marvel at the time and decided Peeta deserved a nice girl in his life. He had been scoping the field for a while now but had no success in finding anyone right for him. Delly was outspoken, kind, and stood up for what she believed in. She was wrong but also empathetic, at least I thought she was. If I hadn't introduced them, he wouldn't have gone through all the crap with her that he has. It's my fault."

Dr. Haymitch nods and stands up from his seat.

"So, what would you do differently then?"

"Obviously I wouldn't introduce them to each other. There's a million better people out there that could make him happy and maybe he actually will marry someone he stays with forever." I feel the familiar chill hit me and know what to expect this time, I just wonder where I'll end up.

"Someone like you then?" I stare wide eyed at Haymitch as I feel myself begin to leave the present. I cannot say anything before I'm falling to the ground at what appears to be outside of my old university, someone pulling me up by the arm.

"Jeez girl, good thing walking isn't part of your major or you'd be screwed." I get to my feet and stare at the girl next to me, who is giving me a cheeky grin. Delly.

TBC.

A/N: Don't hate me for the time it took to update. Finals are coming up (next week in fact) and term papers are due this week, thus my time and attention has been focused on finishing those. I'm still not done but as I've noticed lately, when I'm avoiding homework I start writing. This chapter has been a work in progress for the last two weeks so I decided to make sure it was a good length.

I cannot say when the next chapter will be posted as now I'm just focused on finishing school for the term. I hope I can update again before Christmas but I won't make promises.

I do want to say thank you to everyone who commented! You guys are amazing and I appreciate all the support! I hope to start the next chapter soon, which will be focused on College Katniss and Peeta! I hope it's good.


	5. Fate is a Sneaky Bastard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I am currently at and hopefully I can continue working on the chapter I had started a few months ago.   
> Happy reading!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Hunger Games or it's characters as well as I do not own Being Erica. I am merely borrowing them for this story.

Chapter 5

Fate is a Sneaky Bastard

I stare into eyes blue as the sky as Delly speaks to me as we walk around campus. I'm barely listening to what she is saying as it has something to do with another protest she plans to partake in this Friday. I already know what happens, she chains herself to the door and that's when Peeta first meets strong-headed Delly. I had almost forgotten the French accent she has given she's from Montreal originally. She moved here for school.

"Katniss? Hey girl, are you listening?" I snap to it when I hear my name.

"Huh? Sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you were coming to the protest this Friday." I nod my head to tell her I will be there, I was there last time this happened too… what as the protest for again? Animal testing in the science labs, that's what it was. Stop animal testing. Good cause I suppose but I remember her group of protesters to go a bit to the extreme at times. I suppose that's part of the whole University experience.

"You know I will be." I try to shake my hair out of my face and forget that at one point I was going through that whole grunge phase. My hair is basically dreadlocked and the headband that is supposed to secure my hair back does a mediocre job at best. My pants are baggy with more pockets than I truly need and my shirt does little job of actually being a shirt. Ugh, I forgot the fashion sense I had back then, now… twenty-two year old me has. I'm only here for a while anyways so might as well enjoy it.

I see Peeta going to his dorm rooms and I feel my heart skip a beat. What the hell?

"Look Dell, I gotta go. I'll meet up with you in class tomorrow though. Bye!" I wave to her as I sprint across the yard to catch Peeta before he slips into his dorm house.

"Peet! Peeta, wait up!" I see him stop and turn to find where my voice is coming from. He gives me a grin and I see a glint in his eyes that I have just been noticing more recently, or at least paying attention to recently. Has he always looked at me like this?

"Ah, fancy meeting you here Everdeen. What do I say brings you here this fine afternoon?" I laugh and shake my head, swatting his arm in the process. "Ok, ok, enough with the abuse. What's up?" I stare into deep blues and lose my train of thought for a moment, trying to regain myself and remember what it was I wanted to talk to him about… shit.

"Drinks. Wanna go for drinks tonight? We don't have class until 10:30 tomorrow and don't try and say you have another class before that. I know your schedule inside and out." It's amazing how much I remember from our old days.

"Hmm… tempting but why tonight? Why not wait until Friday night when we have no classes to worry about in the morning?" I rack my brain for a response.

"Because I think we need a night out, we're almost done our final year and we haven't gotten to spend nearly enough time together like we used to. Let's go out! You never know, maybe you'll finally meet a nice person and maybe I'll finally find the courage to end things with Marvel, hm?" I watch him mull it over and I see his resolve to decline me dissolve. "Please?! Come on, please Peeta! I'll even buy the first round. Please, please, please?" I know he hates when I beg, I hate doing it but found I only ever do this with him. I know his weakness after all.

"Ok, ok wow, enough with the begging, it does not become you at all. Quite frankly it's creepy when you beg and I begin to worry if you're all there in the head. Ok. Let's meet up at seven then. I'll pick you up from your dorm and we'll walk over to the campus pub. Sound good?" I smile gratefully at him and give him an enthusiastic nod.

"It's a date Mellark. Seven sharp!" I waves me off as he heads into his dorm house and I leave in the direction of mine. The campus is big enough that boys and girls dorms are in separate houses.

At 6:50 I head downstairs to wait for Peeta, I'm a bit jittery and nervous about tonight and I'm not sure exactly why that is. At this point we've been friends for a couple years yet it feels like we've known each other our whole lives. As I exit into the cool air of the early spring night I see Peeta is already standing there waiting for me. He looks… good. Like, if I was single I would be all over that, good. I clear my throat before approaching him, pushing any thoughts I had of him out of my mind. He turns when he hears my approaching and gives me a knowing smirk.

"Always so punctual Kat. Shall we head out, the beer won't drink itself!" He holds up an arm to me and I link arms with him, not saying a word as we make the trek to our campus bar.

"She's hot and looks like she can hold a decent conversation, go talk to her." I point to another brunette who looks like she's about ready to pass out as she sways on her feet by the bar. I'm basically pointing out every girl at this point to try and hook up with Peeta. He hasn't taken the bait for any of them so far.

"Pft, yeah and I'm the queen of England. Give it up Kat, there's no one here. Let's just enjoy ourselves. Besides did you mention something about drink enough liquid courage so you could finally call things off with Marvel? What happened to that plan?" He's right, I did say that. I know I should just do it now. Previously I had wait another month before I finally did it. It ended with him locking himself in my bathroom and crying. I had to wait over an hour before he would finally come out and leave; resolving that it was truly over no matter how much he cried. I sigh and chug the rest of my beer down. God I need something harder to deal with that.

"I need more than two beers to do that and you know it. God only knows what will happen when I do end it with him. He's not the strong type, he'll probably bawl his eyes out and throw a fit in hopes that I back down and take back my words." I see Peeta scanning the room again but nods in agreement with me.

"Probably, he seems like the type. How the hell did you meet him?" He doesn't look at me as he stares across the pub, clearly something has caught his attention but he's still listening to my words so I choose to ignore it.

"Much like a night tonight. What was supposed to be a one-time thing became a three month thing and my god am I an idiot." He still hasn't looked at me and I'm a bit annoyed now. "Hey, Peeta! What's got your attention?" I see him nudge his head in the direction he is staring at and turn to try and find his line of vision.

I feel my stomach drop when I lock my eyes on the person across the pub having some drinks with a group of her friends. Shit, shit, shit. Delly. I'm annoyed and worried at the same time. Wasn't I here to help make sure they didn't meet? I never thought this would happen if we went to the bar.

"Peeta come on, she looks like she's totally out of your league, plus she probably already has a boyfriend. In fact I'm sure she does." I'm lying, she doesn't. In fact he doesn't know I know her and I hope to keep it that way. "Let's go get another drink, come on." I go to get up but falter when I see he is also standing and making his way over to her… no. No, no. I try to go stop him but the air around me is getting cold again. Wait, I'm not finished! But I'm already falling back into my bed, which is where I was last heading before I met up with Dr. Haymitch. I check my phone to see if there's any messages but see it is as empty as it was before I left. I failed. I couldn't stop Peeta and Delly from meeting, obviously it was their fate to meet one another. I stare at the ceiling and decide I need to sleep, no matter how much excitement I've had this evening.

It's another three days before I see Peeta again, he's obviously avoiding me more now than he was before. I can't stand this. I miss him and it's already been another eventful night the night before, having gotten to fix a problem I had in my English class in university that year. I hadn't been able to stand up in class and read my whole poem before I was practically thrown out of class for how rubbish it was, even I agree with that. I had changed it all by reading a poem I made just a couple years ago which had changed my confidence in that class and my grade… plus it seemed my teacher had finally come to like me.

Sure it felt good, but I still couldn't stand the bout of silence between Peeta and I. In just a week I would be moving out and honestly, I wanted to see if he wanted to check out the complex and see if moving there would be something he wanted to look into. I had heard someone was moving out the following month and they had a one bedroom coming available soon. I wanted Peeta to move with me, I wanted us to continue being neighbors and staying close. I've already vented it all to Madge but she didn't have much to say, from what I could tell she wasn't saying everything she was thinking which only bothered me more.

I finally corner her after work and ask her to tell me what she really thinks, not fully preparing myself for what she was about to say.

"Isn't it obvious Katniss? Peeta likes you, that's why he's upset about the kiss but you know what's really funny about this whole thing?" I inhale deeply, taking in what she says and now becoming afraid of what she is about to say next. "You like him too. You would have to be blind not to see it, except you are! How can you not see that the reason all of this bugs you because you like him too! You get nervous at the thought about talking about him because you're scared that he's going to change his mind and reject you, deep down you know the reason he kissed you is because of feelings he has for you." I look down at the table in front of us, trying to absorb everything she says to me. She's right and that's what makes this whole thing scarier. The knots I feel in my stomach at just the thought of Peeta isn't knots but butterflies. I want him to be around because then I know he's close and I can keep an eye on him. In some sort of messed up way I've always seen Peeta as mine. How have I not noticed this before?

"I see that you're finally realizing it too, it's about damn time. Maybe it's time you tell him though, because I doubt he's gonna keep waiting for you and I know he's been waiting a while, even when him and Delly were together." My head snaps up and I'm sure my eyes are wide in surprise. She chuckles before continuing on, "he didn't tell you that the reason Delly started cheating on him was because she had found his secret keep sake box. It was filled with things from you two, concerts you went to, pictures of you, you and him, things you made each other, notes, anything that he could keep of you, he did. The boy has had a thing for you for years! You just kept pushing him to find someone so he took the hint that you weren't interested. Poor guy." I'm floored. How does Madge know all this?

"W-wait, how do you know all of this?" I never thought Madge and Peeta were that close, but maybe I wasn't looking close enough.

"We've talked, we are friends after all and we don't need you to hang out. He told me shortly after he moved back here. He wasn't going to tell you the whole thing, heaven forbid he freak you out enough that you run off and never speak to him again!" My head is reeling and I'm not sure I can handle any more surprises. I mean I just realized that I like my best friend, which in itself is a scary thought. "Now if you ask me, I think you need to march on over there and get your man before someone else does. A man as good as him doesn't stay single forever." She's right, I think back to the woman he had over previously and I know I have to go now before it's too late. I'll figure out the rest later.

I get up and grab my coat, swinging it on as I give Madge a kiss on the cheek and head out. I flag down a taxi and tell them where to go. It takes me ten very long minutes to get home. I hand them my money and don't bother waiting for my change, I need to be quick.

I climb the stairs, almost tripping up them as I go and finally manage to get to our landing. I pause for a moment to catch my breath, damn I need to go to the gym again. No the time Everdeen! I shake my head and nearly sprint to him door. I feel the nerves creeping up again but I don't let them get the best of me. I knock on the door and wait. My hands are shaking so I shake them out, hoping to stop the jitters. I hear his heavy footsteps as they approach the door. The deadbolt slides and the door opens. I let out the air I am holding as I stare into dark cerulean eyes, which look confused at my presence.

"Katniss? What are you doing here?" His voice sends a shiver down my spine and before I know what I am doing I am cradling his head in my hands and kissing him with such passion that I feel it from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes. He's startled and isn't responding… I fucked up. I misread the signs. I begin to pull away when strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me closer, his lips roughly crashing on my own. He slowly pulls me towards him and into his apartment, shutting the door behind us.


End file.
